Nothing of Interest
“You’ve got nothing interesting to say”
“But what of my travels?”, I replied
“no one cares and they’ll say you’re showing off”
“what about the time I taught men about confidence in dating and social skills - I’ve helped people!”
“Ha.. (he mocked)… people will think you’re a fool and laugh behind your back! They won’t find it useful - only stupid”
“oh… err.. my photography??”
“Everyone is taking photos now and they’re better than you”
“Hmm… I manage a care home for people with learning disabilities..”
He cuts me off.
“Really!? … you want people to know that… what will they think… you’re not a banker or an entrepreneur… forget it.. just stay quiet. You’ve got nothing interesting to say to anybody”
I’ve lived with that guy for all my life. He’s the voice in my head. I call him ‘Shook Man’.
Shook Man, filters my good ideas for me. He specialises in worst-case scenarios, ensuring I don’t expose any signs of weakness and make a fool of myself. He’s ‘Shook’ (scared) of all failure and embarrassment in life.
And despite all efforts to ‘improve’ and better myself over the years - to appease Shook Man - I found he just kept coming back. Never satisfied.
Nothing. changes. with. him.
No matter how I grow or what I achieve - he’s there reminding me it’s best to keep to myself - no matter how many resources I accumulate I’m never good enough or ready to live free of his criticisms.
‘Perfection via perpetual preparation’ is his motto.
In my teens & 20s, I was timid. And you’d think after the 1000s of hours and ££ I invested to improve this area of my life I’d be a social terminator.
Sure, I’ve learned 101 ways to appear cool, calm, and relaxed but a well-trained eye can see through my facade.
I can still feel shy, unsure, and intimidated by life events or people I admire.
Shook Man is still there.
Sometimes it feels like the only thing I’ve achieved in life is to get older.
It is a classic ‘grass is greener’ complex, where everyone I know is doing well and flying high except me.
A skewed perception because I only compare myself to the high flyers!
That’s Shook Man’s minimum bar - do as well as everyone above me is doing - reach for their stars.
It was only after a deep exploration of my own thoughts and habits that I finally uncovered something so obvious that it had remained hidden only because I’d not yet experienced life long enough to see it!
…. Nothing changes with Shook Man.
His tale is always the same. He’s fixed! He’s here to stay. He’s your mother-in-law who visited for the weekend and now it’s her home and her rules.
All attempts to improve my dialogue with him or placate his incessant noise were futile.
Now, hold on dear readers - I can feel some of you reading this and thinking… “Aha! But have you tried ‘XYZ’ because XYZ will blow that inner whiney Shook Man voice to high heaven, never to return”
Well, I can’t say I’ve tried your XYZ method but I’ve spent a bountiful of coins on everything from EFT - hypnosis - 1-1 coaching and countless hours bashing my head against the metaphorical walls of frustration.
So I’ve tried a whole heap and Shook Man still pops up.
And yet, somehow, I do progress - I achieve goals, overcome obstacles, and speak openly, publicly, vulnerable, and confidently - despite or in spite of this incessant whiney dialogue from Shook Man.
I’ve learned there is another side to my earthly personality.
This side cares not for long self-talk and analysis of every step I take. In fact he doesn’t talk at all - not with words. He guides through knowing, vision & action.
This side of myself is content to “feel” himself through this world - navigated only by what I love. He’s ready to throw ‘caution’ to the wind.
It was tough to see his existence before - but now I understand he’s been there all along.
He’s what people have been seeing when they’ve said I had potential.
Let’s call him, my ‘intuition’ & spirit.
Shook Man doesn’t get along with intuition.
Shook Man did not want me to write and share any of this — but intuition signaled to pay him no mind because its time for me to share…